Dear Joanna,
Did you know that monitor lizards can count? According to
Wikipedia, they can count up to six, as well as work together to steal eggs
from other lizard’s nests. I don’t know about you, but I find this terrifying.
I keep imagining I’m on vacation in India or Australia, anywhere
the lizard makes its home, sleeping peacefully on crisp white sheets in a hotel
by the beach. I jolt awake, not know why until I see the lizard at the bottom
of the bed. It advances slowly, keeping
its black, empty eyes trained on mine. Its claws are leaving tiny triangle
tears in the sheets. The moonlight turns its brown scales into a suit of
pearls. I try to move: kick it away,
jump out of the bed, anything. Nothing works. I’m paralyzed, trapped in a bed
with deranged foot-long lizard.
I can’t look away as it reaches my left hand, slowly takes
my thumb into its mouth, and with one savage twist, rips it off. I scream. It
doesn’t stop the lizard from counting my fingers as it slowly eats them one by
one.
Needless to say, this makes me very glad I live in Chicago,
fat away from the natural habitat of the monitor lizard.
Love,
Gena
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