Breaking into Westminster

Dear Jenny,

I’m not sure if you are asking about how I would break into Westminster the castle or Westminster the dog show.  Breaking into a dog show would be much more amusing than a royal residence, in my opinion, so I’ll just assume you meant that.  I suppose my reasons are irrelevant, but let’s say I’m doing it to steal the dog that wins Best in Show.

First, we should discuss how to gain access to the backstage area. I assume that this area is fairly secure, so we shall have to pretend to belong.  The easiest person to impersonate would be a dog owner, because I won’t have to know how to do anything but look posh. To pretend to be a trainer or groomer would be much harder, as I would actually have to interact with a dog at some point (I’m not the best with animals).  So, wearing a pastel suit, sensible heels, and pearls, I would find myself backstage.

Obviously, I would have to wait until after the show to steal the winning dog. This part was a bit trickier for me to figure out. I think I would have to have several accomplices for this part, especially one who has access to show dogs. Once the winner was announced, I would contact my partner to tell him which breed one, and he would rush me another dog of that same breed. During the celebration after the show, a second accomplice would attempt to steal the winning dog.  As he fled, I would intercept him carrying the decoy dog, and pretend to recover the winning dog. He would escape with the actual winner, while I would return triumphant with the fake. This part will obviously work better with a smaller dog.  After I had returned the dog, I would make my excuses and leave quickly to claim whatever reward I was promised for kidnapping a show dog from Westminster.

I hope you enjoyed this hypothetical scenario, even if it is painfully obvious that I know nothing about heists. Please don’t ever ask me to actually steal anything. Thanks.

Love,

Gena